This year I chose to commit to starting my own business. It has been exhilarating and challenging, as every success and failure is now my own. I chose this path in firm belief in my abilities, but there is now so much to moving forward in this day in age that I find myself having days of doubt sprinkled in with the triumph. I came to realize that I had developed an oppositional attitude toward technology and social media; I wasn’t prepared to see myself as a brand.
It’s not an easy thing to do as I feel that I have always shied away from being labeled. But here we are at the epicenter of technology and I’m dragging my heels for some reason. I have time to post and have made it out to be a chore rather than a platform for growth and expression, like it used to be for me when I didn’t feel the pressure to align all my posts and pictures to a coherent focal point. I think that it all snowballed and became more than I wanted to commit to: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Houzz, Pinterest… Ironically, I love them all and have always enjoyed expressing myself. So what was it that was holding things up? Why not take advantage and make the most of these free channels to express and connect? Maybe it was not having a blog, maybe just the word blog itself? It has for some reason has always held this supernatural power of eliciting a gag reflex in my mind.
Getting the website together was a challenge for me and looking back, once I got to a certain point with it, I felt like I had my share of clicking and typing and wanted to “get back to work”. Slowly I have come to terms with this being a crucial part of “the Work” and a means to address a growing desire to express myself more in written form if nothing more than to be more honest with myself. Strangely enough, I found myself asking Facebook through a general post if it were possible to open up and share personal stories as form of therapy. All along I’ve had the tools I was looking for, I just didn’t want to admit that I needed and wanted to blog. It feels great and there’s something more substantial and healing about leaving your thoughts out for the world to see. Seeing myself as another entity, Kloudwalker Design, is new territory for me so I grant myself the necessary forgiveness for the stumbles that I have made along the road to this bright future.